


Ok, Love me

by Twenty_One_Anyong



Category: Twenty One Pilots, Twenty-One Pilots - Fandom, joshler - Fandom
Genre: M/M, STAY ALIVE FRENS, Suicide, be careful, read with caution, |-/ - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-09-02 09:36:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8662471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twenty_One_Anyong/pseuds/Twenty_One_Anyong
Summary: Josh loved Tyler but does Tyler love him back? After a tragic event with Jenna, Tyler has been all over the place... Will Josh get Tyler or will he lose him?





	1. Wedding Day

"Congratulations, man,” Tyler’s best man solemnly says while Tyler fumbles with a tie in front of a mirror.

“What’s up, Josh?” Tyler asks picking up the tense mood coming from Josh. Still fumbling with the tie, Tyler let's out a groan and drops his hands to his side. Josh, noticing his friend’s struggle, gets up.

“Nothing. Now look at me,” Josh mumbles under his breath.

“Right, because you mumbling under your breath and acting all sad is not a problem. How about I just pretend like today is not my wedding day let you ruin it with your sad looks. Now really, what's wrong?” Tyler turns around to let Josh tie the tie for him. 

Josh ignores the question and just went ahead and picks up the strands of the neck tie and pulls Tyler closer to see what he’s doing. While neatly forming a knot, Josh couldn't help but think of last week. 

It was a good day, the concert went well and both Tyler and Josh felt it was right to get a drink. The alcohol, obviously making their heads cloudy, caused something amazing to Josh happen. Both Tyler and Josh were drunk and begin talking about Smash Bros. but something out of the blue got both of them to lock eyes. Josh stared innocently into Tyler’s big brown eyes. The moment brought their lips together and they started kissing each other passionately. The kiss was like no other. Sure, Josh has kissed plenty of girls before, but Tyler’s was different. It was warm and every second that passed by, left Josh wanting more and more. Ever since that day, Josh could never stop thinking about Tyler in such an intimate way, and it only hurts him more that today is Tyler’s wedding day.

“Hey,” Tyler says to get Josh out of his deep thoughts. “What's wrong? You can tell me, I won't tell anyone, I promise.”

Without taking his eyes off the tie, Josh blurts out, “I don't understand?” Tyler stares at Josh with furrowed brows. “I don't understand,” he continues, “I thought it was obvious. Last week, I thought you loved me.”

“Woah, who said I didn't? I've always loved you, you are the best drummer I've ever had.”

“Not that kind of love. I mean ‘Love’ love. Last week, when we…” Josh gets cut of by Tyler.

“But we were drunk!”

“And? It seemed like you liked it,” Josh yells back, looking up to find an answer in Tyler’s brown eyes, but only sees Tyler blush slightly. The both of them stare intensely and tension built between them as they were inches apart. The tension then starts to pull Josh into Tyler. Josh feels his lips get wet and his breathing becoming rugged.

But before their lips could make contact, a knock from the door came in, startling the two and making them back off from one another. Tyler’s cheeks turn pink and a head peers into the dressing room.

It was Brendon. “Hey, they’re ready for you,” he says staring at Tyler and Josh as the two stand apart with their heads down. Brendon then walks away, dismissing the awkward boys.


	2. Finally Married

Josh and Tyler take their places and stand tall while the guests take their seats in the rows of chairs outside. Then the classical wedding song starts playing and the large doors in front of Tyler opens. Children and people start filing out, all nicely dressed, tossing flower petals and strutting down the aisle slowly. The last person walked out and it was obvious that she was the bride through the lavish dress she wore. Even Josh was impressed at Jenna’s beauty.

The way she shines, her smiling eyes, her curvy body. All of this just tops off her sweet personality. If anything, Jenna is like a friend to Tyler and Josh, himself, too. Overall, Josh was jealous of Jenna and wish he was in her place, taking Tyler in his heart.

The day went by rather agonizingly slow for Josh. Nothing was more boring to Josh than a long drawn out wedding.

“Speak now, or forever hold your peace,” the priest asks the audience. Of course this was the moment. The time for Josh to tell Tyler how he truly feels about him, but what if that would ruin their friendship? What if Tyler doesn't love him back? So instead, with all his strength, Josh suppresses the urge to stop himself from ruining his best friend’s day. He wants Tyler so bad, but the way Tyler spoke to him earlier in the dressing room made Josh wonder if Tyler really does love him. Josh feels his eyes glaze over with tears as Tyler and Jenna kiss and walk off happily. Tyler picks up Jenna and walks out of the church with the largest smile Josh has ever seen, and it only causes him to tear up more.

The rest of the day was rather a really slow day for Josh, and all he wanted to do was curl up in bed and cry. The look of Tyler happy with Jenna only makes Josh’s feelings towards Tyler grow more and more, until Josh was in tears, practically balling his eyes in public.

Jenna notices Josh’s break down and walks over asking “what's wrong?”

Josh rubs his face with his palm and looks at Jenna.

“Oh nothing,” he lies, “It’s just that I have never seen Tyler this happy and it just makes me happy. My best friend is actually having the best day of his life, I'd never thought it would happen,” Josh says breathlessly as he looks at Tyler goof off on the dance floor.

“I would've never thought of you to be the highly emotional one, Josh,” Jenna begins, “but one day, my Tyler will cry when he sees you up there with a smile drawn across that beautiful face of yours when you find your girl.” That is, if I like girls the way I used to he thought to himself.

For the rest of the night at the party, Josh drank his own weight of alcohol. So much went into Josh’s system trying to flush out his deadly thoughts, but no matter how much poison went into his system, nothing successfully stops his thinking. Am I beautiful? Do I like girls? But I like Tyler. I hate myself. You will never be any worth to Tyler. Kill yourself. The voices came and told Josh all these things, the utmost evil things. It never went away, that is until Josh passed out on the bar top. Out cold like the corpse of a dead body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I finally just got off a four hour plane trip (THANK GAWD AT SAT NEXT TO THIS GUY BC HE WASNT ANNOYING). I've wrote a lot more than two chapters but I want to pace this series so I don't feel rushed. If you're still reading this, you must really enjoy it, thanks.


	3. Migraine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *SUICIDAL THOUGHTS* If you think you will be triggered than skip this chapter :3

Josh woke up with a pounding headache the next morning. It aches so bad that Josh couldn't even sit up. All of his thoughts beginning to flood back in causing Josh’s head to turn inside out. For the next painful hour, all Josh did was lay in bed and take up his unfamiliar surroundings. The room was cold, and the bright sun shining through the window lights up the white room. Am I in the hospital? Did I die? Josh thought.

Josh surfs through his mind and lays in the bed for a while, unable to get up without puking. Before getting too deep into his thoughts, Tyler knocks on the frames of the bedroom door. Josh bobs his head up to see who’s there. It was Tyler, wearing nothing but a pair of sweatpants. Tyler's small body with the slightly defined abs and the tattoos on his arms stirs Josh in the inside.

“Oh, so you are awake,” Tyler exclaims walking towards Josh climbing under the sheets next to him, causing Josh’s heart to pound. The warmth radiating from Tyler calms Josh and draws him away from his thoughts. 

“What the hell happened last night, you were completely dead,” Tyler says lightheartedly.

“That was the idea,” Josh replies sternly. Tyler, instantly looks down at Josh to make sure he is doing okay after what he had just said. Tyler’s smile sunk and now he's concerned for Josh.

“Please don't say that. You know how I feel about that,” Tyler says with a serious face this time. “Hey look.” Josh peers up to give Tyler a momentary stare before looking up at the ceiling again. 

“It's not my wedding day anymore so you can tell me everything that is bothering you.”

“Currently, you are bothering me,” Josh grumbles. “I want to be alone right now.”

“Are you still upset about that kiss. Look, I'm sorry I'm not interested in you, not as a friends, but as boyfriends. That doesn’t mean I don't love you. I was drunk that day, too. You know what stupid shit I do when I'm drunk. Look, Can you promise me this, though?” Josh looks up at Tyler. “Smile,” he says and then smiles to show Josh how.

Josh fakes a smile back at Tyler to get him to leave for the time being. Tyler thanks Josh and proceeds to leave the room, but before he left the room completely, he stops at the door frames and props himself with his hand and looks back at Josh.

“Breakfast is ready, come eat when you are ready. That hangover isn't going to cure itself.” Tyler was right, the hangover isn't going to cure itself, but Josh just didn't have the energy that day to deal with his feelings for Tyler. I'm not interested in you Josh replays those words from Tyler. It only causes him to tear up. Josh closes his eyes to hide from the light and cries himself to sleep.   
The world fades away as he gets enters into his own world devilish thoughts. 

'I could jump. I'm not worth it. If Tyler doesn't love me then why am I here. I could pull the steering wheel.' Slowly, Josh doze off and went back to sleep.


	4. That Night

“Hey, Tyler whispers, gently nudging his friend to make sure he is still alive. Josh groans and opens his eyes the slightest bit, this time the room was significantly darker than before.

“What time is it?” Josh slurs.

“It’s almost five. You have been sleeping all day.” Josh stares at Tyler in shock of how long he shad been asleep, but the pounding headache still wasn't gone. Tyler shoves Josh a little harder and tells him to get up. 

“You need to eat, seriously.” Tyler reaches out for Josh’s hands and drags him off the bed to the kitchen, downstairs.

“You know what's a good hangover food?” Tyler asks Josh. Josh just looks at Tyler inquisitively. “Cereal! Nothing beats a good large bowl of sugar coated cereal.” Tyler grabs a box of Josh’s favorite cereal and Josh’s face lights up a little. Tyler notices the smirk and smiles back.

“I knew you still had it in you,” Tyler says as he hands Josh a bowl of the cure to hangovers. Josh immediately starts spooning the food since he was hungry as he has not eaten one bit all day.

“Woah there, slow done Jay.”

“Sorry, I'm just really hungry, but thank you for the cereal,” Josh speaks with a mouth full of cereal. Tyler laughs and Josh feels his cheeks flare up with heat, which, in turn, made Tyler laugh some more.

Tyler opens his mouth to try and speak but was interrupted by Jenna as she walks through the front and yells out that she is home.

“Hey, Tyler. Hi, Josh.” Josh gives a nod to acknowledge her, but Tyler shoots up from his chair and gives her a big kiss. This made Josh sink in his chair a little as he stares at the two HAVE A short make-out session.

“God, I'm hungry. What's for dinner?” She asks Tyler, as Josh scoops more cereal into his mouth.

Tyler’s eyes widens as he tells her that he has forgotten. “I'm sorry, babe, I forgot. How about pizza?” Tyler suggests. Jenna smiles in return, “Pizza would be great,” and then walked off to take a shower. Tyler then proceeds to pull out his phone and calls a pizza place and orders a medium supreme and asks Josh if he wanted anything. Josh simply shake his head and continues chewing his cereal, although Josh would also like a slice of pizza, too.

“What was it you were about to tell me, earlier?” Josh recalls under his breath before they were rudely interrupted by Jenna.

“Oh, erm, it was nothing. Dun worry about it,” Tyler jokes.

“That was not punny,” Josh quips and proceeds to laugh along with Tyler. Josh finishes his last spoonful of cereal and begins walking back to the room to lay down. His head was still hurting, but not like before. It was a lot lighter and all he could think about was Tyler for the rest of that night. After everything, Josh still loved Tyler, but does Tyler love him back? Josh's mind was once again racing as he lays in bed. Josh then falls back asleep and slept like a baby for the rest of the night as Tyler and Jenna eats the slice of pizza he so longed for.

 

<><><>

 

“STOP! STOP IT! STOP TELLING ME  
WHAT TO DO. YOU DON’T KNOW ME LIKE I DO!” Josh shrieks from the top of his lungs at around 3:56 in the morning. Tyler, once again in sweatpants and shirtless, comes rushing in to check on Josh. He notices Josh sitting with his knees pressed against his chest, propped up against the headboard.

Josh’s eyes were peeking out from the top of his knees, and to Tyler, it was obvious that he had a nightmare. Josh’s eyes were red, his nose runny, and tear streaks were visible from the reflection of the light coming from the moon.

Tyler rushes in and sat next to Josh and squeezes him to calm his trembling breath.

“Shhh,” Tyler would say to calm him, “I'm here now. You are safe.”

As Tyler rocks back and forth with Josh in his arms, Josh mutters something inaudible.

“Huh?” Tyler asks and stops rocking to look at Josh.

“They came back.”

“What did?” Tyler asks.

“The voices. They came back, they told me to… they told me to kill myself. They told me I was useless, that I took up space in the band. That I wasn't good enough for you.”

“Those voices are lying,” Tyler reassured Josh. “I know that you are worth it, and you didn't take up any space in the band, or my life. Hell, you are way better than me, in fact, and that's what I love about you. That even though you play the drums and the trumpet that without you, our band wouldn't exist.”

I love you Josh repeated in his head. I. Love. You. Has he ever heard those words come out from Tyler before, all on their own.

“Do you mean it?”

“Of course, Jishwa!” Tyler exclaims.

“Let's get you back in bed,” Tyler says while getting up to help Josh back under the sheets. Tyler then gives a mutual kiss on the forehead and begins to walk away, but before Tyler was able to step away from the bed, Josh reached out for Tyler's wrist. Alarmed, Tyler turns around and was confronted by a sad state from Josh’s big brown eyes that sparkles in the moonlight.

“Do you want me to stay?” Tyler asks. Josh gives a small nod and Tyler turns back around to climb under the blanket with Josh. The heat coming from Tyler’s bare body once again calming Josh again. Josh couldn't resist the urge and rolls over to rest his head on Tyler's wrapping his arm across Tyler’s waist. In return, Tyler strokes Josh’s pink fluffy hair and the both of them falls asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've been noticing how short my chapters were so I decided to combine my chapters together to make them longer you guys to enjoy, thanks for reading!!


	5. Not Drunk in Love

It was morning again and Tyler was the first to wake up with Josh’s arms still around him. Tyler carefully moves Josh’s arms to get up and go downstairs to make breakfast for Jenna and, of course, Josh.

Tyler quietly steps down the stairs and into the kitchen to see Jenna already there with a cup of coffee and on her phone checking her tweets.

“I see you two had a good a good night sleep,” Jenna greets Tyler, obviously annoyed. Tyler begins to blush.

“Sorry, Josh woke up from a nightmare and didn't want me to leave him alone. Look, I love you, but I love him, too. He's my friend. My only friend.”

“Look, I know he's your man, but I'm your wife now, and you have to start giving me attention, too. I don't know how I feel seeing you two hugging each other in bed.” Tyler’s face reddens even more. “But hey, you said Josh had a nightmare, and I've been noticing how he's been acting lately. He isn't the same, and I care about Josh, too. It's great to know that you are a great friend, and if I were you, I would've done the same.” Tyler relaxes a little and let's out a small sigh.

“But, Josh has to leave this house before tomorrow morning. I can't let him stay any longer, plus he has to pack up for the tour coming up soon. And that means you, too. I haven't seen you put a single thing into your suitcase, yet.” Tyler's heart, once again, immediate sinks into his stomach as he hears a little noise coming from the stairs.

It was Josh, and he stood there with a blank stare at Tyler and Jenna. a little while after, Josh’s eyes becomes furious and he runs back up the stairs leaving Tyler staring at Jenna as she calmly sips her cup of joe.

Tyler gives a dirty look at Jenna and follows Josh up the stairs to find him locked in the guest room. Tyler knocks on the door gently and tries to open it, but Josh was blocking the door by curling up against it.

“Hey, Josh? I know you are in there.” Tyler listens for breathing behind the door. “Jenna just wants the best for you and frankly, she is right. We do have to pack up for that big tour of ours. Are you excited?”

Nothing.

“If it makes you feel better, you can help me pack my stuff, and then I'll take you home and help you pack. Just, I need to see that you are okay. Come out, please?”

Tyler hears shuffling coming from behind the door, and then the door knob begins to twist. The door opens slowly and a head pops out examining the hall for someone else other than Tyler. When Josh saw that it was clear, he grabs Tyler by the collar of his shirt and drags him in, slamming him against the closed door behind him.

Josh slaps Tyler on his cheeks. “I deserve that,” Tyler admits. And then a punch to his left arm. “That, too.”

“HOW COULD YOU?” Josh screams. Tyler looks at Tyler's red face in confusion. What has Tyler done? He swears he's been very nice to Josh for the past week, what did he do wrong.

“How could you just come into my life, do that, and then leave me in a ditch of emotions?” He continues in the same tone. “You know I love you, but are you really going to do this to me? Listen to Jenna and kick me out?” Josh turns away from Tyler and begins grabbing his stuff. “I'm going home, don't come looking for me.”

Josh leaves his room and Tyler tries to follow him out the front door but Josh slams the door into Tyler's face. Tyler sighs and looks to the right into the kitchen where Jenna was still sitting scrolling through her twitter and slurping her coffee.

“What was that all about?” Jenna asks. Tyler ignores the question and scoffs, and then proceeds to go to his room. 

In there, he quickly packs all his things for the tour and walks out.

“Where do you think you are going?” Jenna asks as she notices Tyler heading for the door.

“Don't worry about me, I'll be on the tour,” Tyler quickly replies as he left the house, leaving his house keys on purpose.

<><><>

The next morning, the two boys got together at a meeting spot near their tour bus. Tyler didn't expect to see Josh since he noticed how angry he was last night, but Josh shows up anyways. He came with his luggage, a simple duffel and a backpack, and proceeds to load it into the bus. Josh had dyed his hair red for the Burryface tour and was wearing a simple sweater and tight jeans. 

His eyes, however, was red and has bags so big that Tyler could see from a mile away. they were red and puffed up. Did he even sleep? Tyler wondered.

The two of them stare at each other for what felt like an eternity, playing their own game of a stare down. It was then broken as Josh starts to blush. He had look down in order to hide it from Tyler. Tyler can't know that he still had feeling towards him, especially after last night.

Tyler, on the other hand, was still staring at Josh, trying to tell him “I’m sorry” but Josh did not notice and walks pass Tyler to get onto the bus.

For most of the tour, Tyler and Josh would sit in opposite ends of the bus, and when they perform, they would not be together. Not in a musical way, they both were in sync, but the both of them were not passionately together. Tyler’s singing was less moving, Josh didn't bang the drums as hard as he used to. Together, they were just very quiet and not the usual amount of energy was put into the concerts.

Then one night, “Alright guys,” Tyler speaks to the audience. “I'm going to to jump off,” then he points to his piano and says, “the drums.” Tyler notices his mistake and corrected it.

“The piano. I meant the piano. I only said drums because I was thinking of my favorite drummer, Josh. I love you Josh,” Tyler explains. Josh blushes a lot and had to look down to hide it from Tyler. And it was true, Tyler HAS been thinking about Josh. How he still felt sorry, how all Tyler wanted was to be friends with Josh again.

The rest of the concert continue as usual and the band starts packing up and putting everything into the bus. Tyler finishes up packing his stuff and proceeds to walk into the tour bus to see Josh sitting on the couch with his head down, picking at his fingernails.

Jos feels Tyler sit next to him and begins to breath a little faster. Tyler's hand wraps around Josh’s shoulders and a firm squeeze from Tyler calms him down. Josh looks up at Tyler to see him, to really look at him. Josh has been missing Tyler for quite some time now and this was the first real chance he had to study Tyler.

“Do you mean it?” Josh mumbles. Tyler looks at Josh confused of what he meant. 

“Mean what?”

“Do you really love me?” Josh says, his cheeks once again turning red.

“Of course I meant it. I told you before, I love you.”

For the next minute, the two of them just look at each other. Looking deep into each other’s hazel brown eyes. Tension, once again builds up between them, but this time Tyler acted first and went for it. He locks lips with Josh and the two of them would begin explorer each other’s mouths. Tongues moving curiously, hands rubbing each other’s back. The two of them didn't want to stop at all but was interrupted by Jenna as she drops two cups of hot chocolate.

“I knew it,” Jenna mutters. “I knew you two fags had something together. And here I thought I could come in with hot chocolate for the both of you to say sorry, but that's okay, you two already made up… made out, more like.”

“Wait, Jenna, wai-,” Jenna interrupts Tyler and turns around to get out of the bus.

“Why don't you two continue making out, I don't want to disturb you, obviously you like him more than me,” she yells as she struts across the street and into a taxi.

Before Tyler could stop Jenna, she had already stepped into a cab and disappeared from Tyler’s sight. Tyler lets out a small sigh and headed back to the bus to find Josh with his head down again, but was crying.

Tyler rushes over and asks what was wrong, and Josh mutters, “I ruined your life. You just lost Jenna.”

“Hey, look at me, this was not your fault, I was the one kissing you, if anything, I should be blaming myself.”

“BUT I SHOULDN’T BE KISSING YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE. YOU HAVE A WIFE,” Josh notices Tyler’s face sink into a bigger frown and lowers his tone. “I ruin everything.”

“You did not, Josh. And i mean it. That kiss was the best I've ever had and I'm not drunk this time,” Tyler added, making Josh smirk a little. Tyler reached out grabs Josh’s chin and pulled it up so that Tyler could see his face, again.

The two would kiss each other one last time and head off to bed. 

For the rest of the tour, the two would routinely kiss after each show, and cuddle for as long as possible without getting caught by their crew members. After Jenna, the two wouldn't want to be called a faggot again, or have crew members leave them. Together, they successfully hide their love interest as a secret from everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a little later than i thought but I had so much homework.
> 
> Teachers: "I know you guys just got back from Thanksgivings, hope you had fun, but here's all the fun shit due tomorrow." *tosses stacks of papers in your face*
> 
> ME: "Fun....."
> 
> But hope y'all enjoyed as usual and please, please, please tell me what i can do to make it better. Im not the best writer out there and i can use you're help.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LMAO I FOrGOt tO POST THIS SO THERE WAS A HUGE LEAP IN THE PLOT  
> OOPS, HERE IT IS THOUGH |-/

It was morning again and Tyler was the first to wake up with Josh’s arms still around him. Tyler carefully moves Josh’s arms to get up and go downstairs to make breakfast for Jenna and, of course, Josh.

Tyler quietly steps down the stairs and into the kitchen to see Jenna already there with a cup of coffee and on her phone checking her tweets.

“I see you two had a good a good night sleep,” Jenna greets Tyler, obviously annoyed. Tyler begins to blush.

“Sorry, Josh woke up from a nightmare and didn't want me to leave him alone. Look, I love you, but I love him, too. He's my friend. My only friend.”

“Look, I know he's your man, but I'm your wife now, and you have to start giving me attention, too. I don't know how I feel seeing you two hugging each other in bed.” Tyler’s face reddens even more. “But hey, you said Josh had a nightmare, and I've been noticing how he's been acting lately. He isn't the same, and I care about Josh, too. It's great to know that you are a great friend, and if I were you, I would've done the same.” Tyler relaxes a little and let's out a small sigh.

“But, Josh has to leave this house before tomorrow morning. I can't let him stay any longer, plus he has to pack up for the tour coming up soon. And that means you, too. I haven't seen you put a single thing into your suitcase, yet.” Tyler's heart, once again, immediate sinks into his stomach as he hears a little noise coming from the stairs.

It was Josh, and he stood there with a blank stare at Tyler and Jenna. a little while after, Josh’s eyes becomes furious and he runs back up the stairs leaving Tyler staring at Jenna as she calmly sips her cup of joe.

Tyler gives a dirty look at Jenna and follows Josh up the stairs to find him locked in the guest room. Tyler knocks on the door gently and tries to open it, but Josh was blocking the door by curling up against it.

“Hey, Josh? I know you are in there.” Tyler listens for breathing behind the door. “Jenna just wants the best for you and frankly, she is right. We do have to pack up for that big tour of ours. Are you excited?”

Nothing.

“If it makes you feel better, you can help me pack my stuff, and then I'll take you home and help you pack. Just, I need to see that you are okay. Come out, please?”

Tyler hears shuffling coming from behind the door, and then the door knob begins to twist. The door opens slowly and a head pops out examining the hall for someone else other than Tyler. When Josh saw that it was clear, he grabs Tyler by the collar of his shirt and drags him in, slamming him against the closed door behind him.

Josh slaps Tyler on his cheeks. “I deserve that,” Tyler admits. And then a punch to his left arm. “That, too.”

“HOW COULD YOU?” Josh screams. Tyler looks at Tyler's red face in confusion. What has Tyler done? He swears he's been very nice to Josh for the past week, what did he do wrong.

“How could you just come into my life, do that, and then leave me in a ditch of emotions?” He continues in the same tone. “You know I love you, but are you really going to do this to me? Listen to Jenna and kick me out?” Josh turns away from Tyler and begins grabbing his stuff. “I'm going home, don't come looking for me.”

Josh leaves his room and Tyler tries to follow him out the front door but Josh slams the door into Tyler's face. Tyler sighs and looks to the right into the kitchen where Jenna was still sitting scrolling through her twitter and slurping her coffee.

“What was that all about?” Jenna asks. Tyler ignores the question and scoffs, and then proceeds to go to his room. 

In there, he quickly packs all his things for the tour and walks out.

“Where do you think you are going?” Jenna asks as she notices Tyler heading for the door.

“Don't worry about me, I'll be on the tour,” Tyler quickly replies as he left the house, leaving his house keys on purpose.

<><><>

The next morning, the two boys got together at a meeting spot near their tour bus. Tyler didn't expect to see Josh since he noticed how angry he was last night, but Josh shows up anyways. He came with his luggage, a simple duffel and a backpack, and proceeds to load it into the bus. Josh had dyed his hair red for the Burryface tour and was wearing a simple sweater and tight jeans. 

His eyes, however, was red and has bags so big that Tyler could see from a mile away. they were red and puffed up. Did he even sleep? Tyler wondered.

The two of them stare at each other for what felt like an eternity, playing their own game of a stare down. It was then broken as Josh starts to blush. He had look down in order to hide it from Tyler. Tyler can't know that he still had feeling towards him, especially after last night.

Tyler, on the other hand, was still staring at Josh, trying to tell him “I’m sorry” but Josh did not notice and walks pass Tyler to get onto the bus.

For most of the tour, Tyler and Josh would sit in opposite ends of the bus, and when they perform, they would not be together. Not in a musical way, they both were in sync, but the both of them were not passionately together. Tyler’s singing was less moving, Josh didn't bang the drums as hard as he used to. Together, they were just very quiet and not the usual amount of energy was put into the concerts.

Then one night, “Alright guys,” Tyler speaks to the audience. “I'm going to to jump off,” then he points to his piano and says, “the drums.” Tyler notices his mistake and corrected it.

“The piano. I meant the piano. I only said drums because I was thinking of my favorite drummer, Josh. I love you Josh,” Tyler explains. Josh blushes a lot and had to look down to hide it from Tyler. And it was true, Tyler HAS been thinking about Josh. How he still felt sorry, how all Tyler wanted was to be friends with Josh again.

The rest of the concert continue as usual and the band starts packing up and putting everything into the bus. Tyler finishes up packing his stuff and proceeds to walk into the tour bus to see Josh sitting on the couch with his head down, picking at his fingernails.

Jos feels Tyler sit next to him and begins to breath a little faster. Tyler's hand wraps around Josh’s shoulders and a firm squeeze from Tyler calms him down. Josh looks up at Tyler to see him, to really look at him. Josh has been missing Tyler for quite some time now and this was the first real chance he had to study Tyler.

“Do you mean it?” Josh mumbles. Tyler looks at Josh confused of what he meant. 

“Mean what?”

“Do you really love me?” Josh says, his cheeks once again turning red.

“Of course I meant it. I told you before, I love you.”

For the next minute, the two of them just look at each other. Looking deep into each other’s hazel brown eyes. Tension, once again builds up between them, but this time Tyler acted first and went for it. He locks lips with Josh and the two of them would begin explorer each other’s mouths. Tongues moving curiously, hands rubbing each other’s back. The two of them didn't want to stop at all but was interrupted by Jenna as she drops two cups of hot chocolate.

“I knew it,” Jenna mutters. “I knew you two fags had something together. And here I thought I could come in with hot chocolate for the both of you to say sorry, but that's okay, you two already made up… made out, more like.”

“Wait, Jenna, wai-,” Jenna interrupts Tyler and turns around to get out of the bus.

“Why don't you two continue making out, I don't want to disturb you, obviously you like him more than me,” she yells as she struts across the street and into a taxi.

Before Tyler could stop Jenna, she had already stepped into a cab and disappeared from Tyler’s sight. Tyler lets out a small sigh and headed back to the bus to find Josh with his head down again, but was crying.

Tyler rushes over and asks what was wrong, and Josh mutters, “I ruined your life. You just lost Jenna.”

“Hey, look at me, this was not your fault, I was the one kissing you, if anything, I should be blaming myself.”

“BUT I SHOULDN’T BE KISSING YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE. YOU HAVE A WIFE,” Josh notices Tyler’s face sink into a bigger frown and lowers his tone. “I ruin everything.”

“You did not, Josh. And i mean it. That kiss was the best I've ever had and I'm not drunk this time,” Tyler added, making Josh smirk a little. Tyler reached out grabs Josh’s chin and pulled it up so that Tyler could see his face, again.

The two would kiss each other one last time and head off to bed. 

For the rest of the tour, the two would routinely kiss after each show, and cuddle for as long as possible without getting caught by their crew members. After Jenna, the two wouldn't want to be called a faggot again, or have crew members leave them. Together, they successfully hide their love interest as a secret from everyone.


	7. I Need You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of a very scary chapter. There's no suicide reference in this chapter but something does happen to Tyler. Please be careful when reading and as always, thank you frens! PS: I CANT BELIEVE TYLER'S B-DAY IS TOMORROW AFKJDSHFOGWROFIJIAEGVHBAGHIEFKBAWJHFV BOUT TO CELEBRATE AT SCHOOL FOR NO REASON

It was early morning, the sun peering through the window wakes Josh up. Next to him was Tyler, snoring slightly with his face scrunched up and his body sweating tons. He was obviously having a bad nightmare but could not wake up from it. So Josh nudges Tyler a little to get him out of there but no signs of waking up was visible. Tyler begins to breath quicker and his face tenses. The nightmare has worsen for Tyler and he his practically shaking under the covers. Shaking so violently that even the water on the bedside table is shaking along.

Josh, unable to stand it anymore, shakes Tyler awake from his hell.

“TYLER! Get up, stop it, you're having a nightmare. WAKE UP!” Unable to get any movement from Tyler, he jumps on top of Tyler and squeezes him hard in tears.

Tyler groans and this his bloodshot eyes widens and his whole body shoots up from the bed causing Josh to tip over and fall on his side behind Tyler. His breathing   
still fast, his skin damp to the touch, Tyler’s eyes dash left, right, up, down, and around looking for Josh who has been staring at Tyler from behind in shock.

Josh has never seen Tyler like this ever before. Tyler has never been in so much pain and Josh continues to cry more for Tyler’s sake. Seeing his friend in this much pain hurts him much more.

“Josh?” Tyler mumbles breathlessly. Josh broke away from his trance and locks his arms around Tyler’s waist from behind and resting his chin on Tyler’s warm shoulder.

“I'm still here. I'm not leaving you ever again,” Josh shakingly whispers into Tyler's ears with a bit of sobbing.

Tyler curls in and grasps Josh’s arms. His breathing slows and Tyler was able to find peace again. The two of them fell back asleep with arms interlocking each other, never wanting to let go again.

 

<><><>

 

Late afternoon and it was raining outside. Peaceful Josh thought. I like rain. Rain helps me think. Rain. Rain. RAIN! Josh woke up suddenly realizing how long the two of them has slept. It was late, outside was dark and storming. Josh looks at Tyler to see him sleeping ever so peacefully with a small smile drawn across his face. It probably the first time Tyler has slept like a baby in the longest time.

Not wanting to wake Tyler up, Josh crawls out of bed agonizingly slow and travels to the kitchen to find something to eat.

There Josh was, casually chewing his cereal until he hears Tyler screaming his lungs out. “STOP IT! STOP IT JENNA! IF YOU KILL YOURSELF NOW I’LL… JENNA! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? JENNA! NO, JENNA!”

Alarmed, Josh runs into the room to Tyler and sees Tyler up and about pacing the floors, yanking his hair, yelling “Jenna” repeatedly; but strangely, Tyler's eyes were still shut. He was sleepwalking.

“JENNA! I love you,” he squawks. Tyler was in tears now and Josh couldn't bear it any longer and has wakes Tyler up from his nightmare before he hurts himself.

With a hug from behind, Josh restrains Tyler from hitting himself any longer. Tyler begins to flail around trying to break lose.

“Let go of me you piece of shit! Let go! You are nothing but a worthless trash to me. LET GO! YOU ARE NOT TAKING ME BACK THERE! FUCK OFF!” Tyler screams.

The words coming from Tyler stabs Josh in the back. To think Tyler never cursed before. Never before. To hear Tyler yell those foul words out and especially targeting  
Josh alone with those word. Regardless Josh kept hugging him, trying to calm Tyler down.

“Get off!” Tyler tries to squeeze out, but Josh kept holding on to Tyler. “Get… off,” Tyler stutter as he is in tears now. “I just… I want Jen…” Tyler finally calms down and  
fell limp in Josh’s arms.

Josh struggles as he gets Tyler back into bed but accidentally waken Tyler up as he sets Tyler on the bed. Tyler groans a little and his wet hazel eyes opens widely, in shock of Josh directly on top of him.

“Good morning, honey,” Josh whispers as he lightly peck his forehead with a kiss. Tyler groans a little and gives a small smile back. His hazelnut eyes and smile lights up the day from the storm outside for Josh.

“Good morning,” Tyler slurs, his voice raw from all the screaming. “How was your day?”

“A lot of amazing sleep with you,” Josh says as he taps Tyler's nose. Tyler lets out a small chuckle and says, “Me, too.”

As Josh suspects, Tyler’s stomach grumbles and he was hungry. Josh taps Tyler in his thigh and motioned him to get up.

“You need to eat, come on. It's my turn to feed you cereal,” Josh says, recalling the day he had a terrible hangover. Tyler couldn't help but smile. 

“I would love a bowl of cereal.”

"Then what are you waiting for? Let's get moving!" Then Tyler shot out of bed and head out the door, the two of them having a friendly race.


	8. Sleeptalking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to post this for Tyler's birthday, but this chapter is kinda sad for Tyler so no, it is not going to be there to ruin it for Tyler. There are some suicidal contents here so read with caution and enjoy. HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY TYLER!!!! -your cliques, |-/

“What kind of cereal do you want?” Josh asked while opening a cupboard with a vast straw of cereals ranging from Lucky Charms and Cap’n Crunch to the dreaded cheerios or corn flakes (which Josh only eats when his parents are in town).

“Arrr’ I would lo’me some of Cap’n’s Crunchies Please,” Tyler says in a very broken pirate accent. 

“Comin’ right up!” Josh yells back in the same broken accent. Josh proceeds to pour out a bowl for Tyler and sets it in front of him and watches as he eats.

While Tyler was desperately gobbling his Cap’n Crunch, Josh sits across from Tyler thinking about Tyler’s sleepwalking breakdown. It might have been quite a long stare and normally Tyler wouldn’t mind the attention, but Josh must have been thinking too hard and had a look on his face because Tyler caught on.

“What, am I that pretty that you have to stare at me?” Tyler asks noticing Josh intensely staring at him.

“Oh umm, I guess? I can't help it,” Josh tries to hide the real reason but Tyler easily saw through the lie.

“Yeah right, honestly you are the worst liar,” Tyler jokes with a huge smile, “but I know you are thinking about me. Something happened, tell me.”

“It's nothing, I swear. You're just really hot,” Josh tries to lie again, but terribly did so.

“Stop playing around and tell me!” Tyler damands, noticing his tone against Josh was a little much. “Sorry, I just can't stand you when you look like that,” Tyler says, lowering his tone this time.

Josh feels defeat and spills all the beans to Tyler.

“You had a nightmare earlier, like 30 minutes before now. But you were also sleepwalking.”

“Did I hurt you? Tell me I didn't,” Tyler’s eyes widens immensely, his brown eyes filled with sorrow.

“Not exactly,” Josh says before interrupted by a panicking Tyler.

“Oh my God, I hurt you. Show me where, Now! I need to fix it! I'm so sorry Josh, I didn't mean …”

“SHUT UP AND JUST LET ME FINISH,” Josh yells as Tyler was slowly aggravating him. Tyler immediately zips his lips and sits still to let Josh finish.

“So anyways, you were up and yelling. Yelling for Jenna, telling her to stop. And you said, ‘I love you’ to Jenna in your nightmare, as if you still did.”

“Well yeah, she was my wife, Josh. I did love her, but she's gone now. I love you now, I love you the most. More than Jenna. I'm glad I found you,” Tyler replies, his face sinking and his appetite gone.

“I know you do, but you said something else while I was trying to stop you from hurting yourself.”

“What?” Tyler asks, “What did I say?”

“You told me to ‘fuck off’ and to not take you back ‘there’. What did you mean by ‘there’?” Josh asks.

“I don't know,” Tyler sinks into his chair and looks down, “I honestly don't know.”

Josh was now in tears as there was much more to tell Tyler but he couldn't. It was too much to bear. Streams of Josh’s waterworks were flowing left and right and Josh wasn’t even able to make any comprehensible noise, and so Tyler raises his arms and rests it against Josh’s shoulder, “That's enough for today. How about we play some games. Smash?”

Josh nods and smiles a little, still wiping away his never ending tears. The two of them get up and walk towards the T.V. where they battle computers 2 v. 2.

 

<><><>

 

It was about midnight when the two was bored of Smash and decides to just lie back and watch some T.V. although Tyler nor Josh really care for a specific channel so they flip to abc family and stuck with Grey’s Anatomy for most of the night. Josh just stares at Tyler for the longest time. The way the blue light from the T.V. screen contouring Tyler’s features, highlighting all his little perfections was just perfect for Josh. Tyler finally turns his head to face Josh and stares at the same blue light highlight Josh’s stubbles and his beautiful imperfections also got Tyler to helplessly smile.

The two of them lean closer to each other and cuddle close to each other, wrapping themselves and draw close to their warm touch. Slowly, they drift off and cash in their day. Tyler was now snoring slightly and Josh was having a hard time entering slumber in fear that Tyler will have the same nightmare again.

“Stop.” Josh was awoken by a slightly loud whisper and sees Tyler standing in front of hi. “Stop it.”   
Josh didn't hesitate this time to go and grab Tyler away from his nightmare and pulls him back into the light and sits with him in the couch with Tyler struggling in his arms again. But it seems to work so Josh holds on until Tyler was peacefully asleep.

“Let go,” Tyler mumbles quietly before snoring again. 

It has been almost a week now and the same nightmare has been occurring over and over each night getting worst. Each night, Tyler would be more violent, louder, rougher and soon, a simple hug squeeze wasn’t going to cut it for Tyler anymore. It has gotten to the point where Josh had to physically hurt Tyler to snap him out. Each time, Tyler would stand in the dark room, eyes glowing in the moonlight with a blank stare each time Josh would slap him out of the nightmare.  
“What happen? Why am I standing here? Why did you slap me?” Tyler begins to asks more questions than Josh was able to answer before another would come out from Tyler.

“It’s okay, you just had the nightmare again. Let’s get you back in bed, you look really tired, and don’t worry about it. I’ll always be there for you,” except Josh has been questioning if they were a thing. Each night, Tyler would tell Jenna “I love you” and all, even reject Josh. Josh doesn’t even know if Tyler was using him as a tool to help himself calm. Is any if this… real? Josh would ask himself. Jenna has been the one thing on Tyler’s mind for a while and all it does is leave a huge whole in Josh’s heart that would flood with tears and ache so badly that Josh cries himself to sleep each night to only wake up and see Tyler’s shadowy figure yelling out for Jenna again. 

It has been nights since Josh was able to get some rest. Each night, Tyler would get  
worse and worse, there has not been one night that Tyler was asleep for longer than an hour.  
Josh will always wake himself up every thirty minutes to check on Tyler and make sure he is  
okay and is still sleeping.

One night, Josh was able to get some sleep from the pure exhaustion of taking care of Tyler, he was too deep into his sleep that he didn’t realize that Tyler has awaken and made his way downstairs into the kitchen. There, Tyler opens a drawer quickly and cause the sharp knives laying flat to knock against each other and cause a loud ruckus that rang throughout the home and wakes Josh up. Josh snaps his head up, wide eyes, feeling for Tyler to be sure he is next to him.

“Tyler?” Josh mumbles, voice extremely raw and scratchy. The side on Josh’s bed was still warm but no one was there. Josh grew anxious and hears more noises downstairs followed by more screaming from Tyler.

“I NEED YOU JENNA!” Tyler shrieks through his tears. Instantly, Josh sprints out the room and down the staircase. He enters the kitchen and sees Tyler standing, hunched over the counter, eyes still closed; Tyler was obviously asleep. The moon shining through the window casts a long, drawn out shadow of Tyler spanning across the floor. A little shimmer catches Josh’s eyes. Josh adjusts and examines the shimmer closer and notices a contour of a knife. The knife was close against Tyler’s wrist, tightly pressed against the thin skin.

“I need to be with you,” Tyler whispers quietly, sobbing an ocean of tears. Tyler’s begins to lift his arm and brace the pain of the knife about to be pulled across his wrist. Josh quickly reacted and gently, but swiftly, grabbed hold of Tyler’s hand that was holding the weapon. Slowly, Josh lifts up the hand and tries to stop Tyler but Tyler resisted fighting back, yelling, screaming.

“I WANT TO DIE! I WANT TO BE WITH JENNA! I LOVE HER!” Tyler yells trying to shove the knife back into his arm. Josh was struggling to keep Tyler’s arm up any longer and tries to wake him up before serious damage could be done. Everything Josh does didn’t work. Cold water, slaps, screaming, shaking, shoving… nothing was pulling Tyler away from his nightmare, that is except one thing that Josh doesn’t dare try because he wasn’t sure if Tyler still loves him anymore. Kissing him was the only option left.

Josh braces and presses his lips tightly on Tyler’s, never stopping. Tyler still resisted, but Josh’s strong arms holds his head still and Tyler’s screams are muffled through Josh’s lips. This kiss however wasn’t warm, or soothing, or filled with passion. It was cold, damp, empty. It wasn’t like any before.

Soon, Tyler gives in and calms down, his eyes flutter open, Tyler still foggy from sleep. Tyler examines his surrounding, his situation. Josh, still kissing, gets shoved back and the knife that is still in Tyler’s hand leaves a long gash across Josh’s hand. Tyler, eyes wide, breaths heavily unsure of what to do. He looks at Josh in pain and lets out a sharp, cold breath. Immediately, Tyler reaches out for a towel, realizing what he has done, he tries to get closer, but Josh steps back and tells him to stay away.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I didn’t know, I’m sorry,” Tyler makes any excuse possible, but Josh didn’t care about the cut. It was Tyler’s reaction to the kiss that explains to Josh about everything. Tyler never really did love Josh. He was just a tool for Tyler. He was his drug that kept him happy. His alcohol to his depression. That shove and that wide eyed look on Tyler was all Josh needed to begin leave the room.

Josh gathers his thing, still bloody and in pain, but just needed to get away from Tyler, but Tyler kept getting in the way, thinking that he can help Josh from dying which frustrated him to the point where Josh turns around and blurts out.

“Do you love me?” Josh yells loudly, his voice so bloody, filled with so much hatred that it causes Tyler to take a step back.

Tyler stutters but manages to squeeze something out. “Of- of cour - of course I…”

Josh impatiently cuts Tyler off immediately, knowing that Tyler is lying. He always stutter when Tyler lies. It was clear, Tyler doesn’t love him.

“TELL ME THE TRUTH! Do. You. Love. Me?” Josh strictly renunciate making it clear to Tyler that Josh was being serious. This was a whole other side to Josh that neither of them has ever seen. Tyler bows his head down and opens his mouth but then quickly shuts it and stands there in silence. 

“I knew it,” Josh mutters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a long one wasn't it. This is about all I wrote on the trip for thanksgiving so I probably will be posting weekly because writing takes forever, and i have writer's block. Sorry, hope you all enjoyed! Stay alive Frens.


	9. Look What You Have Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This mentions suicide and shit, don't read if you are sensitive to it. Stay alive frees |-/

It has been practically months since Josh and Tyler seen each other. Each day, Josh would get numerous phone calls from Tyler, but he wants nothing to do with him. He doesn’t even  _ like _ Tyler. But regardless, the phone would ring again.

Josh is doing better than ever before now. He has found a new band called My Chemical Romance and his band mates are friendly and nice to him and not so clingy like Tyler. One day, during a band practice, Josh was furiously smacking away at his drum set along to “Welcome to the Black Parade” and Gerard was singing beautifully. This is where Josh truly belong, and just as he was about to forget about Tyler, his phone rings and disrupts the entire song.

“Dude, you have get him under control,” Gerard stops singing and give Josh a look.

“S-Sorry,” Josh replies quietly and proceeds to step out of the basement and answer the call for the first time.

“Hello?” Tyler whispers into the phone. It was obvious to Josh that he hasn’t been sleeping in a long time. Josh can practically see Tyler’s bags sagging far down into his chin.

“Uh, I - uh- Can you stop calling me?” Johs blurts out on the spot and suddenly, Josh feels like he just killed someone. The guilt was eating in the inside and Josh was suddenly crying when Tyler simply replied “ok” and hung up.

With sudden rage, Josh threw his phone against the wall and walked out of Gerard’s house and into the cold with Gerard tailing behind quickly.

“Dude, hold up!” Gerard grabbed Josh’s shoulder firmly and turns him around to see a sad Josh with streaks of tear running across his face. “Woah, are you okay?” Josh simply shook his head and turns back around while muttering, “I just need some time.”

Josh had so many thoughts eating away his skull and he couldn’t take it anymore. _What have I done?_ he thought. _I just killed my friend, stupid faggot, you didn’t have to yell at Tyler like that._

Josh was too deep into his thought to realize where he was going, he just continued walking and ended up at a bar somehow with a large glass of beer and six shots of some poison flipped upside down, slowly forming a pyramid. All these drinks were clouding his head so badly that he didn’t even realize that a girl was sitting next to him dancing her fingers around Josh’s tattoo.

“When did you get it?” Josh simply ignored her and ordered another round of shots. “Dude, something has to have happened for you to go this hard,” the girl said. Before ruffling Josh’s pink hair. Josh downed his glass of tequila and then started feeling light headed. His vision was getting dark and the world started turning around and around.

“Hey! Hey, guy? Stay with me here, um,” Josh heard the girl say before his head plummeted onto the table and was knocked out cold.

The next morning, Josh awakens with such a headache that he could’ve sworn that the world was pulsating along with the pulses that was going on in his mind. Josh simply rolls over and was confronted with a wide eyed girl propped on her elbow and staring at him.

“Hello, cutie,” she says simultaneously tapping Josh’s nose which sent pain up into his head.

“Who are you? Where am I? How long - did we…” Josh’s mind, despite the fact that there was a migraine occurring to him, had tons of unanswered questions swarming in his mind.

“Woah there, calm down. We did not do it, you are in my house, and my name is Debby. Debby Ryan,” She disrupted Josh before getting too far into questions. Debby proceeded to roll out of the bed and Josh couldn’t help but stare at the half dressed girl walking out of the room. Debby suddenly turned around and was pleased to see that Josh was enjoying the eye candy and said, “Like what you see?” Josh simply grunted and got out of the bed and stepped towards her.

“I’m gay,” Josh deadpanned and moved her aside the dumbfounded girl and proceeded out the door and out the house, unaware of where he was or what time of day it was. He just continued walking in some direction. It was about thirty minutes later that Debby rolled by in her big red truck and yelled at Josh.

“And where do you think you’re going mister?” Debby yelled out. “You don’t even know where you’re at.”

“I’m going home,” Josh yelled back.

“And how do you think you’re are going to get home if you don’t know where you are?” Josh simply grunted in defeat and turned on his heels to face Debby.

“And what are you going to do about it?”

“Just get in,” Debby giggled a little and rolled her eyes. Josh followed the orders and stepped into the large truck and proceeded to give directions once he recognizes a familiar part of the town. The whole ride was silent though, save the directions, but besides that, Josh just stared out the window.

The trip ended with Debby parking at a curb at Gerard’s house to gather his belongings.

“Hey, uh, here’s my number,” Debby handed a strip of paper to Josh and Josh studied it. “If you ever need to talk, or a place to stay, I’m here. Just don’t go wasting yourself at the bar like that, it’s kinda dangerous to your health.” Debby smiled and then proceeded to drive away. Josh just stuffed the strip of paper into his pocket and proceeded to knock on Gerard’s door.

The door opened and Josh was confronted with Gerard who looked like he just woke up.

“Come in,” he said groggily as he made room for Josh to step into the home.          

“Someone called you on your phone last night looking for you, and it’s not Tyler.” Josh didn’t have to hear that it was from Tyler to know it wasn’t Tyler. After last night, he didn’t think Tyler would want to talk to Josh again.

“I don’t care,” Josh said simply and proceeded to the couch and sunk into the seat.

“I think you should, it’s um, how do I say it…” Gerard paced around the floor with his tongue sticking out and his hands rubbing around his chin.

“Just say it!” Josh blurts out impatiently and furious.

“Okay, okay,” Gerard, wide eyed and hands up in defense, turns to Josh to confront him seriously.

“Tyler’s in the hospital, he, uh, he tried to kill himself.” Josh’s hazel eyes triple in size and he could've sworn that his heart sunk into the Earth because he couldn’t breath anymore, or feel his blood pulse through his body. Gerard handed him Josh’s cracked phone and Josh checks it to see thirty missed calls from the hospital and Brendon. Josh simply got up, effectively knocking Gerard to the ground and ran out the door. He starts running a mile a minute and didn’t stop until he reached the hospital which was a 20 minute walk away.

_How could I have been so stupid?_ he told himself. _This was all your fault. If you haven’t yelled at Tyler liked that, or leave him because of one stupid kiss, he wouldn’t have done this. Stupid, idiot. You should’ve killed yourself when you had the chance. This is why the world hates you._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOADDHFSDFIKLHDJKASD GUYS. Sorry I haven't posted in ages, exams am I right? well, hope you enjoyed this, Its shitty, i know, but I just didn't feel like writing but i have to because i need to continue this, Didn't want to leave y'all hanging. Thanks for reading |-/


	10. Love me Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter WHOO

Josh was rushing into the cold hospital room drenched in sweat and rain but he didn't care. The room was dark save for the single light near the hospital bed where the withered Tyler was lying. Josh, although exhausted, slowly and quietly lets out a breath as to not wake him up. The room was silent while Josh slowly steps across the hospital room to Tyler and sat in a propped chair (probably was there from previous visitors) near his bed and takes his calloused and bandaged hands.

Josh studied the messed up boy. His eyes were dark blue and hallow, his hair was disheveled,not in a cute way, but in a way that made Tyler look like an unprofessional mess. His arms were bandaged up and there were tubes from every which direction inserted into Tyler. Josh couldn't help bet begin to cry while rubbing the back of Tyler's palm for comfort.

Soon, all the crying Josh has done today made his eyes heavy and Josh rested his head on Tyler's side and fell asleep with arms spread out and draped across Tyler's lap. The rhythmic beeping of the monitor successfully carrying Josh away into his on messed up mind.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Hours has passed and Josh was awaken by slight movements. Josh murmured something incoherent to Tyler and finds himself with his head turned towards Tyler and his eyes met with his. There was a slight smile drawn across his face but Josh assumed it was genuine because the way Tyler's eyes crinkled in the edges gave it all away. His eyes only crinkles for Josh and Josh only, and he's noticed it long ago. Tyler's hands were no longer in Josh's but was messing with his faded red hair which looks pink now. It was comforting and Josh tries to smile back groggily from having just awaken from his slumber.

"Hi," Josh lets out a raspy greet from lack of use of his voice.

Tyler mumbles something incoherent to Josh and raises Josh's chin up to look into Josh's mocha eyes. Josh, on the other hand, is taken aback by the gesture. Josh simply shakes his head and looks down into Tyler's chest and Tyler's hand drops and his face loses his smiles.

"You don't deserve me. What have I done for you that you deserve a shit person like me? I almost got you killed because I couldn't bear being used for sex. I'm a terrible friend with benefits," Josh chuckled dryly and sniffles back a tear.

Tyler shakes his head and begins to twirl Josh's bubblegum pink hair again. "You are not a terrible friend with benefit," he said. Although scratchy and deep, Josh smiled back because for some reason, Josh found it comforting. It soothes Josh into looking up at Tyler again, and it wasn't long until the two of them have their foreheads pressed together, lips slightly grazing each other. Josh can practically feel the warm breaths coming from Tyler and it takes every ounce of him to hold back and not press their lips together, but Tyler seemed to have read his mind and kissed back.

Josh was surprised but quickly melts into the kiss. Their lips, like always, locked together, and for the first time, Josh felt like this kiss was genuine (not that the past kisses were bad) but this one felt different. Unexplainably different. Eventually, they had to break apart for air which quickly turned back to more kissing. It was interrupted when a nurse came crashing in.

"Oh, okay, don't mind me, I'll be on my way and you guys can get back to it," and with that, she quickly scribbled down some stuff on her clipboard and left the room quickly with a wink. The two boys quickly glanced back each other and bursted into fits of giggles, when suddenly Tyler stopped and stared long and hard at Josh, who quickly realized.

"What? Are you okay? Should I get the nurse again?" Josh was about to get up and race out the room with concern before Tyler reached out and grabbed his wrist.

"No, no, I'm okay, it's just, God I've never seen someone so beautiful in my life. I would be lying when I tell that I never thought about kissing you before," and with that, Tyler's face deepens with magenta.

Josh's face also flared a little red and ducked his head to hide the embarrassment when Tyler chuckled a little. It seemed as if everything was going great until Tyler stopped laughing and wiped tear away from his glossy eyes. Josh about had it and was about to go fetch a nurse before a serious damage has been done, but Tyler instantly jumped into Josh's arms and rested his head on Josh's pectorals.

Josh could only wrap his arms back around Tyler and trace circles through the thin hospital gown or gently pick at Tyler's hair, but it did comfort Tyler.

"I'm sorry," Tyler whispers. "I'm so sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry, you did nothing wrong." Josh continues to draw small little circles.

"Yes I do, I have to be. I killed Jenna. I hurt you more than I can keep count. Jenna's family is probably never going to forgive me. I neglected her, a lot. And then I hurt you. I used you, I made you think I loved you, but the truth is, I just needed something to cope with the pain and you so happened to be there," Tyler rambles on and all Josh did was squeeze Tyler tighter.

"Stop. Talking. I still love you, friend or more. Hell, less if you want. I will always love you." Tyler stopped shaking after hearing Josh. He lifts his head up slightly to lock eyes with Josh's. Josh's eyes was deep and dark but not so dark that you couldn't see the pupil. It was hazy and Tyler could tell he is trying hard not to cry, but Tyler just lifted his hand and rested his hand on his cheek. Nothing more, nothing less.

"Yo- you still love me?" Tyler was bewildered. Josh did not deserve him. It was stupid. Tyler was a murder, a sinner. He was a user, and a terrible friend but- 

Josh leans in and locked lips with Tyler's again and this time it was sloppy and ruff. Tyler runs his arms quick and fast around Josh's back while Josh runs his hand through the slit of the gown and slowly made his way down to Tyler's cheeks and squeezed, drawing a squeak from Tyler.

Tyler's cheeks were red when he pulled away and all Josh could do was chase Tyler's lips. Josh didn't want to let go, he didn't want to lose his friend again but he knew that Tyler was hurt, and for God sakes, they were in public.

"Not here," Tyler whispered.

"I love you," Josh says without thinking.

"I didn't know how much i missed you until you left. I couldn't function and I-I- the point is, I never knew that I loved you until you left and-"

"Just say the damn words already Tyler," Josh giggled and held Tyler's cheeks.

"I-I love- you," Tyler managed to push out and then they were kissing again, but it was a gentle peck.

"Me, too." With that, the two of them snuggled into the bed made for one, and fell asleep.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

A week has passed and the doctors are finally letting Tyler out of the hospital.

When Josh arrived, Tyler was already outside in his wheelchair and in his clothes that Josh left the night before.

"Ready to go?" Josh asked when he arrived at the front door. Tyler nods and the nurse beside him smiled brightly.

The nurse handed Josh a file and asked him to sign it while explaining to him that Tyler will be taking some pills to help his anxiety and the therapy he will be going to. Josh just nods ready to take Tyler home to make out with his boyfriend. He was proud to call Tyler that and Tyler was, too. The hard part now, was hiding it from the clique, but that's for another story :)

 

 

 

 

|-/

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes? I might write another story but i had a lot of fun writing this, thank you for reading

**Author's Note:**

> It's was Thanksgivings break and I was in a four hour plane trip... so here I am writing this story. I really didn't expect to write so much into my phone but I decided to share it. Hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
